Back to School: A Therapist’s Perspective on a Smooth Transition
The transition from the warm, freedom-filled days of summer to the routine-oriented and academic-centered expectations of the school year can feel like a huge — and sometimes jarring — shift. Anxiety and overwhelm are common emotions experienced by teens (as well as parents) during the first few weeks or months of the new school year.
Understanding the Root of Anxiety
When navigating the anxiety that can accompany the transition into the school year, the first step is to simply notice and become aware of when and how it’s showing up. Practicing mindfulness or meditation is a helpful tool to become more aware of one’s triggers and internal experiences.
For many teens, anxiety shows up in numerous ways:
Verbal communication changes
Observed behavioral changes
Excessive worrying
Restlessness or sleep disturbances
Procrastination
Difficulty concentrating
Avoiding school
Irritability
Muscle tension
Stomach aches
Shortness of breath
Why Parents Need to Practice Co-Regulation
Our role as supportive adults is to set the tone and lead by example. Modeling co-regulation and self-trust helps give our kids permission to do the same. In fact, learning how to trust ourselves relates to how we trust our kids—especially when they’re in distress — so they can begin to trust themselves, too.
The official “term” for this is co-regulation: “a mutual act, an exchange of calm that occurs between two people,” according to researchers at the Child Mind Institute. For parents, co-regulation means modeling empathy and groundedness for your child.
But co-regulation has a biological impact, too. Research finds that through our own regulation, we can directly influence the hormone and nervous system behaviors, even limiting the production of cortisol in others. This makes intuitive sense: Human infants depend on their caregivers for survival, and the calming presence of a regulated adult is foundational for well-being.
Co-regulation communicates this message to your child: “Your feelings are real. You’re safe. We’ll get through this together.”
Anxiety, on the other hand, tells us false truths, like, “If you do this, then X will happen and this means Y.” Self-regulation pushes back on that train of thought. It starts with us believing in our own capabilities, then extending that belief to our children — even lending them that belief when they don’t yet trust it themselves.
Believing in yourself is contagious. When parents believe and trust in themselves, kids spot it immediately. Teens excel at sniffing out insecurities or lies. Plus, studies routinely find that, as humans, we’re more likely to believe in something someone says when they’re confident — and believe in it clearly.
We can’t convince our teens of something to believe in that we don’t already believe in ourselves—and likewise, we can’t help someone calm down if we’re not calm in the first place.
Listening First: How to Build Trust Through Connection
As parents or supportive adults, our job isn’t to fix. It’s to listen and validate. Teens need space to share their experiences, even if you don’t necessarily agree with how they’re handling a situation. Understanding the emotional experience behind the behavior builds trust and connection.
Here are a few practical tips for connection:
Balance curiosity with space for them to open up. It can be hard to balance the amount of questions we ask teens, especially as parents or caregivers. How many times have you known they’re struggling with something, but when you start to ask them about it, you’re met with dismissive responses or one-word answers? Try to balance getting curious by asking questions and showing interest without asking questions.
Try open-ended questions. We often ask questions to get answers to things we ourselves are anxious or uneasy about. Teens feel this — and often withhold more when they sense we’re trying to pry information from them versus genuinely connect with them. Use questions like: “Tell me about your classes,” or “How are your friends treating you lately?”
Share your own experiences. Sharing observations and comments to help strengthen your bond. Stay connected to your own compassion and interest in more than just getting answers to quell your own anxiety or fears.
Building Predictability and Routine
For anxious teens (and parents!), predictability and consistency provide a sense of security.
Helpful strategies for your family might include:
Shared calendars for school and after-school schedules
Consistent routines for waking, meals, and bedtime
Familiar rituals like bedtime routines, after-school check-ins, or weekly activities to provide grounding
You can also build relaxation intentionally into your everyday routines. Anxiety lives in the mind; self-regulation invites us to return to the body. Parents and caregivers can help teens integrate relaxation into their daily routines in a number of ways, including:
Morning grounding rituals, like stepping into the sunlight, deep breathing, or gratitude practice
After-school decompression, like a walk outside together, a snack, or a brief mindfulness exercise
Evening wind-down, like a bath, gentle stretching, herbal tea, or reading
Encourage non-academic activities, too. Joining a club, learning a hobby, or enjoying leisure activities has a tremendous impact on teen mental health. Help your teen set goals that don’t center on academic success. This might include social or emotional goals, like trying a new hobby, going to the school dance, or hanging with a friend on the weekend. Exposing your child to something their anxiety tells them to avoid — at a tolerable level — helps build trust and resilience over time.
Supporting Your Teen Through Avoidance
When anxiety arises, many parents often feel the urge to “rescue” their child by doing the hard thing for them. While this certainly brings short-term relief, it unintentionally reinforces the belief that they can’t handle difficult situations.
Instead, support your teen in gradual, small steps of exposure. Dip a toe into the discomfort, rather than jumping off the deep end. This communicates a clear message: “I believe in you. You’re capable of doing hard things, even when feeling anxious.”
Remember: When avoidance is present, so is fear. We avoid in order to feel safe.
Identify Ongoing Support
We are inherently social creatures. Learning to receive support is incredibly important — not only for adult mental health, for modeling to your child that it is okay to ask for support.
Teens benefit from multiple sources of connection: family, friends, teachers, mentors, therapists, and their greater community. If you’re interested in exploring how one of Teen Support Groups might offer your teen a safe space to build self-esteem and navigate anxiety, learn more here.